dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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