I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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