Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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