Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my sisters under your porch take her home
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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