Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
