Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
