Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
be right there i have to get my cape
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
