i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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