I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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