Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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