so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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