exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
