Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
