Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
