The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
