bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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