My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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