I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
