I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
