I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
