he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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