Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
