Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
