Your dad touched me again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
