Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
