HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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