his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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