Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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