Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
