Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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