no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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