I faked an abortion last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
