I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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