I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
