I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
