Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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