Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
