Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
