You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
