she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
