Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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