I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
