i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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