I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
