I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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