Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
