Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
