I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
