and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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