remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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