Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
